Snuggling with my 5 yo on my lap I glanced out the window to see a red truck park by the tree in our front yard. It looked like white smoke in the front cab. My initial thought was smoking or hot boxing, not abnormal for many in our area. Moments later a man jumped out of the front seat and immediately the flames broke out. The driver ran away while I sprinted downstairs to inform my husband. We called 911. The fire was put out. No one was hurt. My kids were both shaking from fear and excitement because a fire truck, ambulance, and police motorcycle in front of your house resembles Christmas more than you’d think.
Three hours after the fire an inspector came to our door to ask us a few questions. By now we had spoken with so many firemen, officers, and the like we were a bit lax. I asked a few nosy questions (Why was the vehicle stolen? Did the driver know it was doused in gasoline? Where was the owner? Is this newer neighborhood safe?). Eventually the conversation turned to my own parenting. When young children witness arrests, drug busts, and a burning car tough conversations are bound to follow. I’m no longer afraid of those tough questions. Those conversations are a privilege to have and, frankly, necessary. I shared with the inspector how grateful I am to show my kids very practical consequences to bad decisions. He did not nod. He did not agree. He said, “It can happen when someone is desperate.”
*crickets*
Did the inspector just excuse the behavior?! Last I checked you didn’t need to love and know Jesus to agree stealing and arsine weren’t great choices. Still, he was compassionate. I barely recognized it at first, partly due to my own shortcoming and partly because it’s rare these days. He went on. “It’s hard to think straight when you’re in trouble or in over your head. It’s easy to do things you regret.”
He’s right. Desperation produces action no one can predict.
Some spouses desperate for respect, affirmation, or physical attention seek it outside of the covenant marriage. Desperation drives kids to throw epic tantrums to grab his or her parents’ attention because words just weren’t persuasive enough that day. They look a fool, but they need that [insert desire here: toy, candy, etc.]. Students, when desperate for a passing grade, cheat and use another person’s material. For many heartache, exhaustion, helplessness, and others are cause for the desperate act of prayer. What do you do when you feel desperate?
I recall one morning of parenting had already done me in at 8:19am and I was bent over under the kitchen table cleaning up whatever mess was spilled when I started praying aloud for Jesus to help me in patience and gratitude. My daughter, only three at the time, heard my prayer and asked why I was praying. My response? I just need more of Jesus.
What I’ve learned over the years when lost in other countries, lonely beyond comfort, disappointed in the hand I’ve been dealt is that Jesus offers the only lasting solution to desperation. There’s nowhere else to go. It’s not praying that brings peace. It’s not remembering I am not enough that brings relief or joy. The real solution is then I remember Jesus is enough. He is my true source of joy. He is the Prince of Peace and He offers to be with me forever. Many times we forget He’s present with us, but throughout Scripture the only comfort offered in fear or discouragement or desperation is this, “I am with you.” If it’s good enough for Moses, Joshua, David, and Mary my hunch is it’s good enough for me and you.
Next time you feel desperation closing in challenge yourself to stop and not speak. Instead practice the presence of God. Close your eyes and think on His names - LORD, Provider. Quietly breathe in His attributes - faithfulness, love. Take a moment and become aware of His presence and fingerprints in your life. This, His presence, is where desperation can be squelched.